Eat it

I’ve had it with grocery store discount cards.  They know.

I used to go to Kroger and sign up for a fresh “Kroger Plus Card” every time I bought something. This was great fun for me because it held up the line (which I feel, ultimately, punishes the store, somehow), and because I always fill in a fake name, like Jodie Zaragosa or Marko Nuckles. There was always a twinge of excitement and guilt when I’d realize (again) that I’d given a fake name while paying with a credit card that has my real name on it. They never called me on it, though, which was a little disappointing.

Kroger caught on to me this year and started making you have to go to the customer service desk to sign up for a new card. This really cut down on my card-signing-up activities, since I usually forget to sign up for the card until I have ice cream, and then it’s this boring race against time to get home.

My big beef is, since when did it become reasonable to jack up the average bill 18%, then make people use a card to get the prices back where they belong? I don’t want to give out my personal information, but I don’t want to pay $11 a pound for fish either. Is it really worth six bucks to them every time I go in there for them to find out what I’m buying? It’s the biggest hassle. And I refuse to carry the card or hang it on my keyring, because if there is one thing I am not it is some kind of corporate tool. Obviously.

The biggest excitement came tonight, when I sadly indicated I didn’t have my card — sometimes the cashiers will take pity on you and give you the discount anyway. Not this hardass. But she did say you could go to customer service and ask for the discount on your next visit. Isn’t that great? Kroger owes me hundreds.  Where are my receipts?