Citibank loves to send junk e-mails. Today I got one telling me, “There’s a safer way to handle your account,” and it included the picture below. Nothing else referred to safety or information security, so I assume the “safe handling” is some kind of cute joke.
Citibank says this “tree,” which almost certainly is now dead, will do wondrous things for all of us. If only I agree to switch to paperless statements, Citibank will go right ahead and plant a “tree” like the one in this person’s hand.
Well, that’s not so novel, I thought, but look what the tree does. “To put things in perspective, over a 50-year lifetime, one tree will generate $31,250 worth of oxygen, recycle $37,500 worth of water, and control $31,250 worth of soil erosion.” It adds up to exactly $100,000.
Are they serious??? First of all, if they are, I would be getting out of the banking business and right into the tree-owning business. Also, how much does oxygen cost these days? I should call down to the local Praxair, I bet you can get a whole ton of it for thirty-one thousand. Maybe they don’t know about this tree-sprig racket yet. Should I be trusting this bank with my credit rating?
P.S. Nobody told me how much CO2 Citibank’s paperless data centers put out.