Before
A chronicle of an American life
Archive for April, 2006
27 April 2006 at 4.21 pm · Filed under Political
I’ve just learned that the Senate may be taking up a proposal that will involve a “$100 gas tax holiday rebate check” going to every family in America. Things are truly getting out of hand when even good Republicans want to solve a problem by throwing money at it.
When were high gas prices ever a problem? I’d love to be snide and say I don’t use gas because I live in the city (and you probably do too if you read this), but that would be unreasonably false. We all depend on oil for all kinds of things, including seeing goods in our pedestrian-friendly stores, buses on our streets, and our precious Amazon and Netflix shipments in the mail. So I won’t play the “city card.”
But high prices send the necessary signal to people: this thing, gas, is precious — don’t use if it you don’t have to. It also sends the right signal to producers: hey, you can make a lot of money if you can sell this stuff. This is exactly how markets are supposed to work! Republicans know better.
If $100 checks really go to families who all spend them solely on gasoline, it will do nothing but further strain the markets. Prices will go up even further because people won’t bear the full cost of consumption and dealers will know people have that extra cash in hand. Of course, I suspect the money will more likely go to general consumption and not be earmarked by anybody for two or three tanks of gas. Meanwhile, the government will have wasted twelve billion dollars.
I vow here and now: if the federal government sends me a check for $100, I will donate it to the transit agency of my choice and not keep a dollar for myself. (If the check is taxable, which would be an amusing farce in itself, then I’ll keep enough money to pay the taxes and donate the rest.)
22 April 2006 at 10.39 pm · Filed under City life, Culture, Political
Today Arnie and I were riding our bikes through the Deaf School Park, enjoying the topiary garden (unfamiliar? click here to visit the “only topiary interpretation of a painting in existence”), when we came across an equally elaborate but less placid tableau.
A drawn, haggard old white guy, dressed horribly in an ugly, too-warm-looking red plaid long-sleeved shirt buttoned all the way to the top, was sitting on one of the benches. While the upper crust cavorted on the Grande Jatte behind him, three youngish-looking college types used two cameras and two microphones to conduct an “interview.” I have to use quotes around that word because for the whole five or six minutes we were there trying to enjoy the scene, he was continuously and bitterly complaining about the Delaware County Board of Elections and various other “criminals” who had collaborated to throw the 2004 election to George Bush. “Every time I’d call down there, they’d say ‘I only have preliminary results, these could change.’ They sure did!” He didn’t pause to slow down as his ire shifted to various precinct captains who, undoubtedly, must have been in on it too. It was remarkably venomous given the gorgeous temperatures and peaceful setting.
Well, I couldn’t resist giving the college kids a good show and an unscripted moment to include in their documentary as they saw fit, so as we lazily pedaled by I called out, “It’s over! It’s over!” Taken aback but only for a second, the man grunted back, “Yeah, our democracy is over, big deal, right?” I rolled my eyes. (I hope I’m in some new hippie movie!)
What you gonna do. If the election was fraudulent in Ohio, it would have taken the complicity of hundreds of election workers in both parties. Under our laws, the two main parties have equal representation at each county board of elections, and any party representative can challenge the qualifications of any voter. We lost, pal, and most likely fair and square. It’s a beautiful spring day. If you want to do something productive, change your shirt and go stumping for Jim Petro. You still have ten days to make a difference!
11 April 2006 at 7.47 pm · Filed under Culture, Random
Those jerks at HBO have turned down my latest idea for a TV show, which would compete with a certain Sunday night megahit. My show would be called Disparate Housewives. Each woman character would be totally unique.
2 April 2006 at 10.06 pm · Filed under Funny stories, Law school, Random
A quick note about the law school prom. I did go, overcoming last year’s disdain, to the “Barrister’s Ball.” The Ball is an occasion whereby Student Bar Association nerds can congratulate themselves (congratulations, incoming President Messina). This year’s theme was “Walk the Red Carpet,” and all I could detect in the way of the theme was… a longish red carpet. Still, that’s glam, right?! I did have a good time, thanks to boldface names Jennette Miskiewicz, who taught me to dance like a straight girl, Sarah Persinger, who taught me about strapless bras, and Meriden Thomas, who taught me about secret loves. Honorable mention goes to everyone else at table 34 for indulging my stylish top-hat-and-sunglasses/”Puttin’ on the Ritz” look. I’ll tip my plastic top hat to Joy and George Coleman, for drinking in public.
I also understand Ms. Persinger has made the acquaintance of a gentleman named Martini, who has evinced a wholesome interest in Spersinger’s, er, GPA’s. It is springtime, and a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love, so we pondered the future name of Sarah’s and my law firm, which after her nuptials is now going to be Martini & Cash. Everyone thought the name was hysterical; we decided that we’ll focus primarily on DUI cases (85 Ohio St. 3d 593); and our firm’s slogan is going to be “free drink with purchase.” (Purchase = Cash. Get it?)
Finally I’d like to comment on the fashion choices of those in attendance. Primarily, I want to congratulate that girl in the beautiful green velvet dress, be transfixed by the torts professor in the cape, and giggle at the husky man wearing the traffic-orange dress shirt, also known to table 34 as The Great Pumpkin.
