Objection, your honors
The Honorable William Klatt
373 South High Street, 24th Floor
Columbus, Ohio 43215
February 13, 2005
Dear William Klatt:
I’m a 26-year-old first-year student at Capital University Law School, and I’m writing to you in your capacity as the Tenth District’s administrative judge. I had the pleasure of participating in Capital’s first-year moot court competitions this weekend at the county court complex. For reasons that will become clear, you’ll be interested to know that I sat on the left side of the appellee’s desk in courtroom 23-B.
Today, after having wrapped up what I thought was a pretty tough oral argument, I returned to my seat so that my co-counsel could conclude our portion of the argument.
As I sat down, I noticed that I was listing strangely portside, oddly close to the wonderful view you have there in 23-B. I remember thinking, The judges must have been even rougher on me than I realized if they can induce vertigo. I tried to sit up straight and found myself lurching in the other direction. The reason for my precarious imbalance soon became clear: one of the casters in my very comfortable chair had come out, putting me in grave physical (and legal) danger. As exhibit A, I placed the errant caster on our desk.
Co-counsel, valiantly trying to ignore the lurching and scraping noises behind him, continued giving his part of our argument as I righted myself and located a spare chair that had been conveniently placed near our table.
I am certain that your honors did not requisition this “ejector seat” function, but you might want to consider it for certain members of the bar. I am currently studying products liability, and have a few theories under which you might justify the utility of such furniture.
We won the case, and I believe the judges did compliment us on our “poise.”
I look forward to practicing before the Tenth District Court of Appeals very soon, but perhaps in a more steady position.
Bill Cash III